


Can’t remember who it was I was thinking of

by Acsesrev



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, Marriage Proposal, Memory Related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-30 22:40:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10886388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acsesrev/pseuds/Acsesrev
Summary: I wrote this a week ago, waited to get my account, got scared and waited a few days. It's been 84 years since I last wrote fic so sorry if I thought I still had it in me and don't. Rated T for sex mention? VERY briefly. Your comments let me know if you want more of this stuff so drop me one!





	Can’t remember who it was I was thinking of

It doesn't come back all at once. Even after fighting off the hunger there was a lot to remember, after all a hundred years was a long time. Sometimes they all looked to each other, trying desperately to find some answer within each other's face. On occasion it happened, but what hurt the most is when someone else's mind hadn't caught up yet. Davenport begins to empathize with Lucretia's pain all these years as this keeps happening between him and Merle. Maybe it comes with his age he thinks to himself, but still he's left knowing their stolen century together, alone.

The first thing he remembers is back at the Mushroom Kingdom. Merle's leadership really coming into its own and the hope he provides to the inhabitants. Looking on Merle, Davenport feels a tightness in his chest. Pride maybe? He can't quite place it. When he goes to talk to him about it, Merle brushes it off in a hearty laugh.

"Well damn! I don't remember being the messiah, but I'm expecting some compensation from Ol' Pan after this!"

He watches Merle for a while searching his mind for anything from back then, but nothing comes as far as his face reads. Davenport can see, despite Merle's nonchalant reaction, he looks at peace, and his heart swells again of its own accord.

 

Davenport remembers mostly the stress of the situation, the pressure of bringing his crew on this unintentional suicide mission. He can't say he didn't ask to be Captain, but he couldn't have known this mess would happen. He found himself constantly putting his past actions down, always wishing he did more, did better. He tries to work chronologically, starting from the first year, finding the places he went wrong, but really to no luck. He can't remember the world, what happened to it, hell he can't remember what anyone else was doing at the time in the panic of the mess. He does however remember Merle again. In a forest, the two of them in front of a small going fire, pre-cooked rations still cling wrapped on their laps. They're laughing and it's one of the times where he doesn't feel so shitty about the situation they're in. When the fire goes out, they share the bed roll. He can't remember if it was cold or not, but his mind makes it clear that that wasn't the intention. He remembers Merle's arms wrapped around his mid waist, burying his face into his neck, the distinct feel of his long beard rubbing up against his skin. The small whistle of his breath as he sleeps and how natural it feels. He thinks for a long time about this, trying to make sense of the familiarity of the situation.

He doesn't tell Merle this one. He tries to forget himself. He's not sure he's ready to remember that part, and he hopes Merle hasn't. He decides to avoid Merle for a while and clear his head.

Overtime the big picture comes into view and Davenport takes it as it is. It gets harder to talk with Merle, look him in the eye. He remembers more nights like that one. Nights where the weight of the world (or worlds) on his shoulders become too much to handle, and Merle being there to help. Nights where he did the same for Merle, trying to convince him of his worth, beyond just as a cleric, but as a friend, a lover. He remembers the fights, the secrecy of their relationship, the tender moments, and the hot ones. He remembers, but Merle doesn't. He doesn't seem to recall ... anything of their relationship. Davenport keeps dropping hints in hopes something will click, but it never does. Merle remembers what everyone else did, but Merle never seems to grasp onto his own actions. Davenport wonders if it's his self-worth holding him back again. But like a school ground crush he doesn't want to bring up ... all this, the obvious, just to jog his memory in case it horrifically backfired. He begins to doubt if it would matter to him anymore.

 

Davenport comes up with a plan. He looks to his old IPRE uniform and finds the solution in his breast pocket, resting just under their emblem. He had forgotten where it had been, but he remembered it well. It must have been in the last stretch of cycles, 80s maybe? His eyes well up at the sight of it. A wooden band sprouting a buttercup that doesn't seem to die, somehow sustaining itself all this time. Merle had given it to him as the two of them lifted off planet alone, the hunger approaching the world they come to know briefly just below. They could always know as long as someone made it out, they all did, but Merle still found the time to get sappy.

"I ... uh ..." Merle started out, Davenport's complete focus to the controls. Merle sighed and paced behind his back, muttering to himself.

"OK bud, I ... now's not ... the greatest time? Please whatever you have to say just spit it out. Ya got me antsy on these controls."

Merle hummed and hawed a few times more before begrudgingly grumbling out "Fuck it!" and grabbing one of Davenports hands. He would have yelled at Merle if it hadn't been for the sight he was met with. That same band now placed upon his finger, Merle gently rubbing circles into the back of Davenports hand with his thumb.

"I ... I want you to have this, well ... well before everyone pops back up here and doesn't know to mind their own damn business. And I guess ... aw jeez..." Merle rubbed at the back of his head.

The Hunger had turned the atmosphere around them dark, even devoid of the stars and cosmic dusts natural light as they pushed through to the next plane. Still Davenport could see the rose tint creeping across Merle's face.

He finally met his eyes and said,"And well Cap'n, I want you to have me, and for me to have you, if ooooh ... I dunno if that's something you could picture yourself getting into. I know it's just another big, dumb, adventure on your hands but-"He was cut off by Davenport crashing his whole weight into Merle, pushing into his lips with his own.

He reeled back and said, "Yes, I'd like that." Merle's shoulders relaxed first, brought in air that he'd been denying himself, then going in for another kiss. They smiled against each other's lips, giggling at themselves, letting the moment last for whatever time they had left. Soon they were pulled again by that unseeable force and everyone was back on deck, in their initial spots. The two looked to each other knowingly and smiled. No one had to know just yet.

 

He carefully took the band and placed it rightfully back on to his ring finger, the wrong one in fact, just to make sure he set the scene just as Merle created it. He always knew where to find him, curled up in the living quarters on a chair, maybe sleeping. He walked up to him, time seeming to slow and his heart rate growing fast. Merle wasn't doing anything important, flipping through some type of book, not even noticing him yet. He stopped to see if Merle might look back, but the goofball was too engrossed in his reading. Davenport cleared his throat and Merle finally got the clue.

"Oh hey there Davenport. Whatcha need?" Merle said, putting down the book on his lap and adjusting his frames.

"I had a quick question." his voice remained steady, but his hands placed at his back shook.

"Alright, shoot."

"Does uh..." his hand jittered as he held it out for Merle to look at. "This look familiar to you at all? I found it on my uniform."

"Well damn Davenport just 'cause I'm the plant guy doesn't mean I know where it came from!" Merle teased a bit, before grabbing onto his hand and bringing it closer to his face to examine. Davenport tried to stay composed, but had most certainly started sweating. Merle looked up to him quizzically, then back to the ring, turning over Davenports hand in his to see the band from all sides. Davenports heart swelled in anticipation, barely even able to bring in breath. Merle grumbled for a moment, trying to think really hard about something. "Please" was all that went through Davenports head.

Merle let go and looked back up to Davenport, shrugging and saying with his face "Sorry!".

"I dunno why you showed ME this, but I'm guessing you're looking for answers again about all that happened and ... well I'm sorry, but I got nothin'! You should know my brains no good by now. S'cute ring you got there though! You think Lucretia gave it to you?" Merle teased, elbowing him a bit, but Davenport couldn't meet his face. He choked the lump in his throat down. Now was not the time to start crying. "I ... Thanks anyway Merle."

He turned to leave, but distinctly heard Merle giggling to himself, and that was the straw that broke his back. He turned quickly on his heels to face Merle and a little louder than desired he yelled "Y'know... just because you don't remember anything doesn't mean you have to rub my misery in my face you! ... you old fart!". As he closed the space between him and Merle in his rage he didn't expect to see Merle tearing up. He laughed harder at Davenports reaction, but tears began streaming down his face.

"I ... oh. Oh Merle ... I didn't mean to..." He went red, wanting to turn tail and run. The nightmare scenario was falling into place.

"No ... no you dummy! You ... you" he cackled again. Davenport was torn between so many emotions, through them he couldn't read Merle at all.

"You think I don't know my own work? You don't think I remember the most important decision of my life?" He wasn't laughing now as much as he was smiling and crying.

It took a minute for Davenport's mind to connect the dots, but when he did his eyes welled up again and he pushed out from his throat "MERLE HITOWER HIGHCHURCH! AS YOUR SUPERIOR I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!" He began pounding on Merle's chest with his fists. "HOW COULD YOU! GOOF! ON ME NOW! FOR HOW LONG?"

"Hey hey hey!" He said giggling and coughing "It's not Highchurch! It's Durnbim now! Get it right!" Davenport stopped his merciless downpour of punches and looked to Merle through his teary eyes. That was the last memory to come to him, Merle taking his last name, he remembered his last name ... Durnbim. "Are ... are you still goofing on me?" He wrapped his arms around Merle's neck, just in case he would have to wring it in a moment. Merle, crying harder, choked out "No chance buttercup. Only if you'll still have me." Davenport settled into Merle, pushing his face into his neck, breath catching as he hiccuped from his deep sobbing. Merle rubbed circles onto his back, pushing his face into the top of his head. They stayed like that a while, appreciating how long it had been since they felt like this. Davenport didn't have to reminisce about how it felt to be held by his husband anymore, he could feel it.

**Author's Note:**

> (for any confusion Durnbim was a family name a palerino made up for Davenport for the sake of the fic)


End file.
